Kosher Kiwi Found Dead in Blizzard: Blog Moving

In what appears to be the latest tragedy of the two-thousand mile long snow storm that has impacted one-third of Americans, a small kiwi was found frozen solid by authorities on the side of a street this afternoon in Stoughton, Wisconsin.

"It's just tragic," said Olaf Pflaum, of the Wisconsin Bird Association. "Kiwi are seldom seen this far north. They are an indiginous bird to some country in the South Pacific. New Zealand, I think. And they are flightless, which makes this one's trek all the more remarkable."

Pflaum speculates that the bird probably walked all the way to Wisconsin from its port of entry, most likely Los Angeles. "Poor little thing. Walked all this way just to get stuck in a snowstorm. I'll never forget its little lifeless eyes staring up at me from the snow as long as I live," he said, and promptly blew his nose.

The bird had no identification on it, other than a small label taped to its left leg. We reproduce the contents of the label here in full:

"I am the Kosher Kiwi. In the event of my death, my journey has come to an end. Please go to: http://contemplativekiwi.blogspot.com/."

Authorities have fanned out in the immediate area and are listening for birdcalls in an attempt to notify next of kin.

Kosher Kiwi New And Improved!

But wait there's more: no steak knives.

Well, I've added a bunch of new posts and a ton of pictures, so if you're interested in the updates start at 'Bonus: From Crete to Tel Aviv' and pretty much every post since then.

Posts & Pics Will Be Updated

Hi all. Had a good night's and morning's sleep. Great to be back with the fam! Sadly, Doreen lost her engagement diamond while I was gone. Bummer!

Just to let those of you who get blog feed updates know that I'll be adding some pics from my camera (better quality than the phone) and additional info to some posts (much easier on the computer than the phone), so you might want to turn off your notifications.

Again, thanks for coming on the trip with me!

Graham

What's the Kosher K Gonna Do Now?

Here the two kiwis sit at Newark Airport, contemplating the end of the road. Thanks for coming along on our journey, and humoring us in our ramblings. We've enjoyed it, and Kiwi Jnr says, "Who cares about anyone else?" (I've just bent his beak so he won't be saying things like that again for a while).

So what's next? Kiwi Jnr is looking for his gold retirement watch, but I've told him to go hang it on his beak. So here's what may be in the feathers in the future (but no promises):

• Maybe one last deep and meaningful Israel post, or two, if I can get my head and schedule together after Sunday.
• Maybe a "new and improved, bionic and resurrected" Kosher Kiwi as we move towards Israel 2012, for those who are getting goose bumps like me just thinking about going.
• Maybe we'll expand the franchise into a new brand of blog altogether: "The Contemplative Kiwi." First post courtesy of my old mate and mentor Geoff Smith: "Roses are red, violets are bluish; if it wasn't for Jesus, we'd all be Jewish."

That's it from kiwi 1 and kiwi 2 for now, and maybe forever.

Rejoicing in Him and the joy of life (and sometimes the pain),

Graham

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So This Is How It Begins

The journey of 7000 miles begins at 4am with three alarm clocks, Confucius says. At least, he should have. Doreen made me coffee, made me smile, then drove me to the airport. I love that woman!

I climb aboard a puddle jumper. Grown men amble slowly down the aisle, the low ceiling forcing them to stoop and scrape their knuckles on the floor. Note to self: never grow tall.

We de-ice. We take off. We go up. We go down. It's so fast, I conclude that Stoughton must be the newest suburb of Milwaukee. I walk outside to get on another puddle jumper. Snowflakes cling to to my dark hair like an all-too-obvious scalp condition. I hope the heat is on in this plane before any one asks to take my photo.

Being a famous blogger is simply a burden I will have to bear. What will the adulation be like when my fan base explodes to seven followers and three friends, I wonder?

We are in the air now and I'm on my phone blogging. My kids marvel and mock that I can say so much about so little. "So many posts, and you're not even in Israel," they said. But such is the lot of the artist, the journalist. It is a lonely road, a desolate flight path.

This flight is to Newark. I have heard about Newark--its symphony orchestra, museums, culture. Maybe that was New York. They kind of sound the same when you say them fast with a kiwi accent. Now that I think about it, the only thing I've heard about Newark is there are lots of massive storage containers that will keep the EPA working nights through the year 2099.

But I'll hang out there so I can get to the airport early tomorrow for the mandatory TSA frisking and questions like, "How many prostheses are you carrying on your person today?"

[DISCLAIMER: The opinions expressed by the Kosher Kiwi are not endorsed by the Elders of Lakeview Church. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is entirely coincidental and due to lack of sleep]

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Will the Real Kiwi Please Stand Up #2




This is a Kiwi

 

Will the Real Kiwi Please Stand Up #I



This is a kiwi fruit



What Does "Kosher" Mean?

Someone asked me what "kosher" means as in The "Kosher" Kiwi. If they'd asked me what a kiwi is, I would have glared at them. "Kosher" comes from the Hebrew word kasher, which means 'fit' as in 'proper' or 'legitimate.' Technically, it refers to Jewish dietary laws which have their origin in the food stipulations of Leviticus and Deuteronomy, but which evolved through oral tradition finally recorded in the Mishnah. A kosher kitchen, for example, is one in which certain procedures have been carefully followed in terms of how animals are killed, what types of food are served (e.g. no pork products, shellfish etc) and what foods are served together in a single meal (e.g. meat and dairy products are separate).

As a result of this usage, "kosher" has entered English as a colloquial or slang expression meaning 'good' or 'trustworthy' or 'fair' or 'the real deal' or 'legitimate.'

I chose "Kosher Kiwi" as I liked the connection to Israel. Also, it sounded a whole lot better than "The Legitimate Kiwi," which makes it sound like I'm trying to defend my parentage. And it sounded a whole lot better than "The Short, Plump Kiwi," which kiwis are, but I'm trying to distance myself from that reality.

Oconomowoc Oceanographer Has Never Seen Ocean!

Tim is an oceanographer who lives in Oconomowoc, Wisconsin and teaches at U.W. Madison. He has degrees in oceanography from the top universities. His specialty: the most majestic of all sea creatures, the whale.

As far back as he can remember, Tim’s parents fed him on a diet of great sea stories: Moby Dick, Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea, Robert Shackleton’s Endurance, and a hundred other tales. These were the stuff of his dreams and his every waking moment. In time, the oceans and their majestic whales became not just his career, but the love of his life, his very reason for existence.

But there’s one very curious thing about Tim, the oceanographer. In the almost five decades of his life, he’s never been to the ocean. He can tell you more than you’d ever think to ask about the Tasman Sea and the Arctic and the humpback whale. But he’s never so much as dipped his toe in a body of water bigger or brinier than Lake Michigan. You see, Oconomowoc is an awfully long way from both the Atlantic and Pacific…

 I am Tim by another name, another profession. I am a pastor and trained theologian of sorts, and I’m going to Israel… for the first time! Go fish, I mean figure!